Charlton Brooker shares his views on ‘professional dream analysts’ and I have to agree with him that most dream analysts tend not to command much respect. However, the more critical we are of others, the more critical we tend to be of ourselves. It may be that Charlie experiences happiness and fulfilment by dumping his self loathing on to other people but his endless and scatologically themed criticism may also show that he has little respect for his own undoubted talents. His dreams probably include classics like late for the exam, naked in public and endless packing (of suitcases, not fudge…)

In a dream, shoes usually are a symbol of perceived social status and women’s shoes tend to represent creative status. It may be that Andrew Lloyd Webber is trying to control his own creative status by controlling the creative status of all those Dorothys. He has given himself (or the producers of the show have…) the authority to confer creative status and then remove it on an apparent whim. This powerful king like authority is reinforced by his position sitting on a gilded throne. If Charlie was judging this competition, I’m sure he would prefer a porcelain throne instead.

The showbiz moon symbolises a waxing and waning of Andrew’s populist talents. He is concerned that his creativity may be diminishing and he is constantly trying to recapture the initial creative sparks of his career, as represented by all those young girls. Charlie is probably also concerned that his own celebrity status seems under constant threat and this drives him to continually use tabloid shock tactics expressed in his unique broadsheet literacy.