HOW COMMON ARE SEX DREAMS?
Sex dreams are very common. Like sex in real life, they are very often intense and emotional, with a powerful undercurrent of mystery.
The 15th most common dream, experienced by dreamers from all around the world, is the return of an ex-lover.
The 21st most common dream is that your real-life partner is having an affair.
A dream of inappropriate intimacy is the 52nd most common dream.
Sex dreams can be confusing, however, because they often feature scenarios that would never actually happen in waking life, making them feel unfamiliar and out-of-place.
WHY DO WE HAVE SEX DREAMS?
The main parts of our brain that create our dreams are those parts associated with resolving emotional tension, fulfilling our deepest waking life needs, and story creation. Dreams don’t happen to you – you happen to your dreams and create everything that you experience in them. When you dream, you are creating a story about how you can resolve any emotional tensions that you are experiencing in waking life, and as you do so, exploring how you can fulfill your deepest waking life needs.
Intimacy, creativity and desire
Dreams about sex usually have very little to do with any sexual experiences in waking life. Instead, sex dreams are all about what sex really means to us, what a psychologist might term as the symbolic significance. Beyond the actual physicality of the sexual act, the deeper meaning of sex is to be found in the power of intimacy, creativity and desire.
The power of intimacy is the ability to have a profound understanding of yourself, to be intimate with your own identity, needs, and beliefs. Intimacy is the feeling of being comfortable and complete within yourself, without needing to have another person inside you to make you feel complete.
We can often lack intimacy within ourselves because we crave the acceptance and judgement of others. Looking to others to provide you with an intimate understanding of yourself may also lead you to having fuzzy and ill-defined sexual boundaries, which can often result in more tears than joy. Sex is fundamentally a creative process. That’s how sex evolved, as a way of reproducing new versions of ourselves. We can see this creative process in the biological term for sex, which is procreation. We also use the language of procreation in expressing our creative endeavours in waking life. We speak about having ‘conceived an idea', about being involved in a ‘labour of love’, about getting our ‘creative juices flowing’.
Sexual fantasies
Beyond the biological process, the most common type of fantasies that people create in waking life are sexual fantasies. And when those fantasies have the opportunity to be played out in real life, they often reflect great creativity from the participants.
Desire is that overwhelmingly powerful feeling of longing, of being at a seemingly long distance from someone or something that you really feel you need to be much closer to. With feelings of desire also come feelings of vulnerability. If you desire to be close to someone, you will also need to open up to them. You will not just need to bare your body to your desired partner but you will also need to bare your deeper sense of self to them.
Your profoundest yearnings and needs
The longing that you are so keen for them to fulfill, the space in your life that you want them to fill, is not really about them. It is really about you giving yourself permission to desire yourself, giving yourself the power to fulfill your own needs.
That’s why you create these wonderfully passionate and confusing sex dreams. It is your brain’s way of exploring a deeper understanding of yourself by harnessing your creativity so you can fulfill your profoundest yearnings and needs. Intimacy, creativity and desire combine to form a powerful union that fuels what you are most passionate about at that point in your waking life.
DOES HAVING A SEX DREAM ABOUT SOMEONE MEAN YOU SECRETLY WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH THEM?
When you create a sex dream about someone, it very rarely means that you secretly want to have sex with them. The dreaming process is using the image of that person as a way of expressing the meaningful qualities that you associate with them in waking life.
For example, if you create a sex dream about someone you find sexually repulsive in waking life, your desire is to embody a skill or quality that you assocaite with them. If that person is very organised and good at providing structure, then you have an opportunity in your waking life to be more organised in how you structure your creative process so that you can fulfill a need that you are passionate about.
WHAT ARE SOME OF THE MOST COMMON SEX DREAMS AND WHAT DO THEY MEAN?
A dream is just a dream until you put into action, so here are the meanings of a range of sex dreams and the action that they are urging you to take in waking life.
ORAL SEX
Meaning - When you dream, your mouth symbolises what you need to communicate in waking life and the form that communication needs to take. This dream is about giving voice to one of your passions and then clearly stating the outcome that you desire.
Action - It can be easy to become tongue-tied when you want to speak up about something that is close to your heart, so take your time, take a deep breath, and be open about how you really feel.
ROUGH SEX
Meaning - A dream involving rough sex usually indicates that you may need to be more forceful in bringing one of your creative ideas to life.You may have to temporarily settle for a rough-and-ready result instead of your idealised outcome.
Action - Always seeking perfection in your creative endeavours can often result in you creating nothing at all. Even if you feel that your outcome is a little rough around the edges, it gives you the foundation for further development.
SEX WITH A BILLIONAIRE
Meaning - Sex with a billionaire is never really about wish fulfilment and having access to endless riches. It’s far more about accessing your infinite inner wealth of creativity and experience, and using that to enrich your waking life.
Action - Rather than fantasising about being super-rich, take some time to reflect on your talents and expertise, particularly those that you feel vulnerable about sharing with anyone else. By opening up to other people about them, you can powerfully demonstrate your real value.
SEX WITH SOMEONE WHO WORKS FOR YOU
Meaning - When you dream of someone who works for you, there is a situation in waking life where you are subordinating your own needs in favour of the needs of others. Although this arrangement may work for them, this dream is telling you that it no longer works for you.
Action - Instead of always feeling that you are at the beck and call of others, consider how well a relationship is fulfilling your needs. Don’t settle for always running around after others and behaving in a way that is beneath you.
SEX WITH AN ACQUAINTANCE
Meaning - Sex with an acquaintance in a dream is helping you to identify with some idea from the past, some previous passion, that you desire to be reacquainted with. You may have felt quite far from being able to do anything before but now is the time to act.
Action - Think about the ideas and inspirations that you have been encountering and identify the one that you feel most passionate about. Spend some time exploring that idea and getting to know it better so that you can make an action plan.
SEX WITH YOUR TOTALLY PLATONIC FRIEND
Meaning - Dreaming of sex with your totally platonic friend is reflecting a situation in your waking life where you are feeling that you are having to use your creativity in a cool and dispassionate manner.
Action - Sometimes it is wonderful to just let your creativity flow without any boundaries and at other times it is much wiser to observe those boundaries. In this situation, don’t let your heart rule your head.
SEX WITH YOUR BOSS
Meaning - When you dream of sex with your boss, you are considering a power and permission issue in your waking life. Your boss symbolises how powerful you feel in making decisions and whether you can permit yourself to do so.
Action - Instead of always looking to someone else for permission to use your creative power, it’s time for you to call the shots about how and when to employ your creative talents and expertise.
SEX WITH A RELATIVE
Meaning - When you dream, a relative represents a situation involving a familiar situation in waking life that was not necessarily your individual choice. This may result in habitual behaviour rather than exploring the deeper creative potential of the situation.
Action - It can be very easy to become habituated into trivial behaviours and actions in both work and social situations. Think about how to put your habitual responses into perspective and consider how they relate to your bigger life goals.
SEX WITH LITERALLY ANYONE WHO ISN’T YOUR PARTNER
Meaning - Dreaming about sex with someone who isn’t your regular partner in waking life is not a sign to immediately go and seek a new intimate. Instead, this dream is alerting you to a new opportunity to use your problem-solving skills.
Action - Think about how you can apply some expertise or experience from one aspect of your life to solve a problem in another part of your life. Taking this fresh approach often opens up even more opportunities to use your talents.
YOU CHEAT ON YOUR PARTNER
Meaning - Cheating on your partner in a dream is usually a sign that you feel unworthy of your status and power in a particular situation. The psychological term for this feeling is Impostor Syndrome, feeling that you have nothing of real value to offer.
Action - Rather than feeling like an impostor, have the confidence to step into your power and create the outcome that you desire. The more genuine confidence that you have in yourself, the more that other people will have confidence in you.
YOUR PARTNER CHEATS ON YOU
Meaning - Your partner cheating on you in a dream has nothing to do with them cheating on you in waking life. This dream is about how you are betraying yourself in some way by not being loyal to what you value most.
Action - Have more faith in your own abilities rather than always relying too much on approval from other people to make you feel needed and special. Make the conscious effort to recommit to what you feel most passionate about.
SEX WITH SOMEONE YOU DON’T THINK IS HOT
Meaning- Dreaming of sex with someone you don’t think is hot is reflecting a situation in your waking life that you are finding difficult to get fired-up about. You may feel that this situation is just not providing you with the creative spark that you need.
Action - Instead of looking to others to ignite your creativity, take some time to think about what would really light up your passion as you pursue an idea or plan. This may fulfill a burning desire and it will certainly give you a warm glow of satisfaction.
SEX WITH A CELEB
Meaning - A dream of sex with a celebrity is typically not a simple fantasy fulfilment dream. It’s more about what celebrities symbolise, which is a particular creative talent and powerful performance capability.
Action - This dream is shining the spotlight on your hidden talents and encouraging you to develop your potential skills. The more that you recognise your potential for development, the more recognised and celebrated you will become by other people.
SEX WITH A POLITICIAN
Meaning - A politician symbolises a situation where you have the power to make a decision and act on it. You may, however, not act on this decision because you are trying to gain favour from others by being too diplomatic.
Action - Rather than attempting to influence others by trying to manipulate them in devious ways, it is far more effective to be open about what you really need from them. Being honest with yourself and others will always attract the support you need.
SEX WITH YOUR FIRST BIG EX
Meaning - When you dream of sex with your first big ex you are encountering a challenge in your waking life that is opening you up to a whole new world of passion and possibility. This dream often signals a reaffirmation of your creative potency.
Action - The waking life challenge you are experiencing may feel like stepping into an exciting new world but before you make any long-term commitments, be completely honest about the outcomes that you desire.
SEX WITH A TOXIC EX
Meaning - Dreaming about a toxic ex can often suggest that it is time to healthily process any emotions that are routinely upsetting you. These unhealthy feelings can often be caused by other people dumping their problems on you.
Action - Realise that you have the inner power to minimise any of the influences that might be wasting your effort and wasting your affections. Don’t let other people waste your time with any of their pointless and poisonous criticisms.
SEX WITH A MYSTERIOUS, FACELESS STRANGER
Meaning - You create everything that you experience in your dreams, including all the characters that you may encounter. The mysterious faceless stranger symbolises your inner mysteries and your opportunity to identify your deeper creative self.
Action - Rather than worrying about losing face if you display your creative skills to other people, it’s time to face up to the fact that you have great potential. Developing that potential begins with identifying your own unique style and creative talent.
SEX WITH SOMEONE OUTSIDE YOUR PREFERRED GENDER
Meaning - A dream of someone outside your normal gender preference does not mean you are suddenly about to change your preferred gender in waking life. It usually indicates that you are taking quite a fixed and habitual approach to solving a particular problem in your day-to-day life.
Action - Think about how you can open yourself up to different creative methods. Fixating on the one that you routinely use can be counter-productive, so be courageous and don’t be afraid to experiment.
SEX WITH SOMEONE YOU HATE
Meaning - Dreaming of sex with someone you hate is often triggered by the waking life realisation that you can use your passionate intensity in a more positive manner, instead of giving in to any potentially self-destructive tendencies.
Action - It is a very common feeling to hate yourself for missing a great opportunity because of fear of committing to it. Rather than continually engaging in acts of self-sabotage, take the opportunity to use your powers in a really constructive manner.
SEX WITH A TEACHER
Meaning - A teacher symbolises both the encouragement to develop your unique talents and the permission to learn more about your creative potential. This dream often indicates that you are critically examining your achievements in waking life.
Action - When you judge yourself too harshly, you will always feel like a failure, no matter how good you are. Rather than being self-critical about your abilities and looking for others to judge and validate you, consider what makes you happiest in life.
GROUP SEX
Meaning - Actively participating in group sex can indicate the opportunity to share your desires and passions with a wider variety of other people. Although you may not conceive any new ideas with them, it will open you up to a new range of creative processes.
Action - Although you may feel that this dream is an invitation to indulge yourself in an orgy of creativity, doing so may result in you losing sight of what you really desire. Rather than just feeling like anybody else, make sure that your uniqueness is obvious to one and all.
SEX IN A PUBLIC PLACE
Meaning - As sex is usually a private and intimate experience, dreaming of sex in a public place can often reflect that you feel overly exposed in waking life situation. This may be because you lack confidence in your talents or would prefer to keep them a secret.
Action - You have the ultimate authority in what you choose to reveal to others and what intimacies you prefer to keep to yourself. Rather than feeling pressure to perform in public, simply set the personal boundaries that will keep you feeling secure..
SEX IN YOUR CHILDHOOD HOME
Meaning - The house is the classic symbol of the self; houses have insides and outsides and we have inner and outer lives. The childhood home symbolises the source of your true identity, of who you are and where you came from.
Action - This dream is signalling the opportunity for you to rediscover your fundamental identity at a deeper level so that you can become more intimately aware of it. Having a more intimate understanding of who you are and who you have been provides a much clearer awareness of who you can become.
A TOTALLY BIZARRE, DOESN’T-MAKE-SENSE SEX DREAM
Meaning - We create our dreams using the language of imagery, with those images often being connected in seemingly nonsensical ways. Dreams like these are drawing your attention to hidden connections that may not be obvious in your waking life.
Action - Rather than taking a puzzling situation for granted in your waking life, take the time to investigate it in more depth. As you do so, you will probably find deeper causes and hidden connections that enable you to make sense of what is happening.
DREAMS ABOUT NOT BEING ABLE TO ORGASM
Meaning - Dreaming about not being able to orgasm indicates a situation in your waking life where you are intensely excited about something you feel very passionate about. You are frustrated, however, because you are unable to reach a satisfying conclusion.
Action - Your inability to reach a satisfying conclusion is often because of a communication problem. The approach you are currently taking may be rubbing someone up the wrong way, so be more sensitive and ensure that you are pushing the right buttons with them.
SEX ABOUT A MIND-BLOWING ORGASM
Meaning - Your body becomes sexually aroused when you dream, whether your dream involves any sexual content or not. Dreaming of an amazing orgasm builds on this to highlight an opportunity to reach an exciting outcome in waking life.
Action - You have an opportunity in your waking life to reach a long desired culmination in an idea or a process that makes you feel intensely excited. The most powerful way to reach this climactic outcome is to open up and let go of any inhibitions or shyness you may feel.
SEX WITH A ROBOT
Meaning - Dreaming of sex with a robot suggests that you are in a situation in your waking life where you are trying to ignore your real feelings. Instead of living passionately, you are just efficiently going through the motions to keep everyone else happy.
Action - Rather than responding to everyone else’s demands in a predictable and rational manner, have the courage to make your own decisions. Choose the steps that you need to take in order to bring your heart’s desire to life.
SEX WITH AN ALIEN
Meaning - Making love with an alien in your dreams reflects a situation in your waking life where you are trying to use your creative powers in an unusual manner. Although this may seem quite foreign to you, it will help you to expand your wider awareness.
Action - Give yourself the time and space to go beyond your habitual problem-solving processes. In the beginning, it may be challenging to communicate what you really need but the more that you explore, the more you will discover about your needs.
SEX WITH A DOPPELGANGER
Meaning - Dreaming of sex with a doppelgänger, an exact copy of yourself, reflects a situation in your waking life where you already possess all the creativity and passion that you need to achieve your intimate desires.
Action - Become twice as effective in achieving one of your ambitions by taking a more detached view of who you are, what you need and what you believe. By observing yourself from the outside you hold up a mirror to your passions and can see them more clearly.
ANAL SEX
Meaning - You may feel that someone is asking you to use your creative talents in a way that feels dirty and demeaning to you. These requests can feel more like a power struggle than a joyful collaborative effort.
Action - Ensure that you have a healthy regard for your own needs and use that to take control of your creative talents. Make the choice to exert decisive control over situations that are wasting your time and are no longer useful to you.
FETISH OBJECT SEX
Meaning - Dreaming about a fetish object, whether it is a personal fetish or not, indicates that you may be obsessing about one specific part of a waking life situation. This is preventing you from seeing the bigger picture and the opportunities that it holds.
Action - Instead of becoming fixated on one particular aspect that you feel really passionate about, step back from your obsession, look beyond your fixations and think about what other powerful elements are involved in your waking life situation.
KINKY SEX
Meaning - Other people may be taking a perverse pleasure in holding you back from fulfilling your creative potential. You now have the opportunity to release yourself from their limitations even though it may require an unconventional approach.
Action - Instead of permitting other people to whip your ideas into shape, give yourself the freedom to find the creative methods that give you the most pleasure. This will liberate your creativity, moving it beyond the bounds of what you previously thought was possible.
NON-CONSENSUAL SEX
Meaning - Dreaming of non-consensual sex can indicate that you are in a waking life situation where you sense that other people are taking all the credit for the value that you are creating. This can make you feel that your passion and power is being used without your permission.
Action - Be more aware of the power and passion that you can bring to solving any problem that you may encounter. Take rapid and decisive steps to set firm boundaries around what you are open to and what you refuse to be involved in.
ROLE-PLAY SEX
Meaning - You have the opportunity in waking life to show up in quite a different way from what people normally expect of you. Although you may feel it is not the real you, it can give you the power to choose the changes that you need to make.
Action - Use your imagination to think about how you would solve a problem if you were a different person. If you are involved in a power struggle, take the time to explore how you would influence the outcome if the roles were reversed.
SEX WITH YOUR CURRENT CRUSH
Meaning - A dream about your current crush reflects that you are becoming more intimately aware of how to direct your passions to achieve your desired outcome. You may be trying to hide your passion in case things don’t work out in the way you had hoped.
Action - Fear of rejection is the main reason why we don’t share our most intimate desires and secret passions with other people. Instead of rejecting your passions and leaving them unfulfilled, have the courage to be open and confident about them.
SEX WITH A VIRGIN
Meaning - Dreaming of sex with a virgin suggests that you have the opportunity to make a creative breakthrough in waking life. Rather than just anxiously feeling naïve and inexperienced, you can use this breakthrough to open up new possibilities.
Action - When you open up to a new possibility, it can be tempting to try and perform as perfectly as you can. The creative process, however, rarely goes to plan, so follow your instincts and just do what naturally comes to you.
FORBIDDEN SEX
Meaning - Dreaming of engaging in forbidden sexual practices suggests that you feel you are being prevented from using one of your particular creative talents in waking life. This is often the result of other people attempting to limit your advancement.
Action - Give yourself permission to explore some of the less conventional areas of your creative talents. Although this may simply feel like indulging in a guilty pleasure, it will help you break free from self-imposed creative limitations.
ANYTHING ELSE PEOPLE SHOULD KNOW ABOUT SEX DREAMS AND UNDERSTANDING THEM?
Sex dreams can be incredibly exciting, confusing, and disappointing – just like sexual encounters in waking life. Taking the time to to explore the stories that you create in your sex dreams will help you to understand your irresistible attraction to the ideas and activities that you feel passionate about in waking life.
Having the confidence to own and embody what you feel really passionate about can often make you even more sexually attractive to other people. By owning your intimacy with your creativity and desires, you will naturally own your sexual power and how you choose to use it.
The most powerful sexual organ is the brain, with its amazing capacity for imagination and creativity. The more intimately aware you become of the nature of this creative process, the more intimately aware you become of your own unique talents and your power to make your dreams come true in waking life.